Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Communication Takes Two…and then some!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009
One of the funniest movies ever made (IMHO) is Neil Simon’s Murder by Death. Having grown up watching all the old detective movies (Charlie Chan, Agatha Christie, The Thin Man), this parody was spot on and hysterical.

There’s a scene in the movie where a blind butler (Alec Guinness) is interviewing a deaf cook (Nancy Walker). The deaf cook is holding up a letter in front of the blind man’s face, informing him that’s she deaf. Of course, he doesn’t “see” it and continues with his verbal instructions of the required duties. (Maybe it’s one of those “you had to be there” things, but it cracks me up every time I watch the movie) But here's the lesson: basically, we see lots of activity and hear lots of words, but in reality, not much communication actually takes place.

I think many times we have a similar problem in our offices. Someone is talking in the meeting, but not everyone is hearing (Many aren’t even listening). The boss sent a memo, but not much changed (Uh, the spam filter must have deleted it before I could read it).

What happened?

Communication is the exchange of thoughts, messages or information. Each of us uses a wide variety of communication in our everyday lives. We talk about the weather, football games or the latest winner on last night’s reality show. We respond to those who want to know something from us and ask questions to request the information we need from others. We answer the phone, type e-mails, write proposals, make sales calls, ask for orders and honor promises. We text our friends and update our profile on Facebook. We Twitter and (of course), we update our blog(s). Lots of communication. And aside from talking to ourselves (that’s a subject for a different
website), our communication involves other people.

For most of us, the majority of our communication is the informal, casual kind of everyday conversation. And our manner (or style) of communication will vary, depending on the situation, circumstance, location and audience.



Examples: Our conversation at a singles’ bar is not the same as it would be at a family reunion. We will speak at a sales meeting differently from the way we would at a baseball game. Speaking to friends at school sounds different than talking to people at a funeral. The information we share on Facebook will (should!) depend on who’s reading and our privacy settings.

* The channels of communications are many: voice, telephone, Internet, etc.

* The methods are varied: spoken, written, electronic, art, music, etc.

* The style are distinct: casual, formal, conversational, instructional

But the question presented in Murder by Death still echoes: With all the words and activity, is there actual communication going on?

One of the primary problem with most of what we call “communication” is not with the style we use or the methods we employ, but with the outcome we receive (or expect). This is an essential lesson for businesses and business leaders. Many times, the attitude in business is:

=> I said it, so we communicated. (or I sent an email, so we communicated)

=> A press release was sent, so the media will come

=> We had a training class, so they learned.

Sorry, not always the case. (cf: Blind Butler // Deaf Cook senario) Communication (even in business) is not about the number of memos sent from HR. It involves more than the PowerPoint presentation at the staff meeting, even when that presentation comes from the CEO.


Some people naively assume the only thing required to communicate is me talking and you hearing. (Or me writing and you reading) The problem: it confuses talking (or writing) with communicating and mistakes hearing for listening. It also fails to recognize that hearing (or reading) is certainly not the same as understanding, which is one of the primary goals of communication.

The act of talking is simple, but the art of communication is not.







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