The Write Way to Get Your News Release Noticed (Part 2)

[This is the second part of this topic. Please read the previous post for context]

In our last post, I discussed some of the issues of formatting a good news release, along with the need for a strong headline and lead paragraph. As we continue looking at the HOW of writing a news release, let’s now look at some elements related to content. It’s sometimes possible to have wonderful story, but it gets bogged down in needless verbiage. (Aren't you glad bloggers never do that?!)

Leave your jargon at the office. Every industry has their own lingo, technical terms and acronyms. I've worked with many kinds of people and organizations (tech, medical, religious, marketers, industrial, etc.) and they all have their own vocabulary.

Those IN your industry will know the meaning, but it can be confusing to outsiders...and that includes the media. (Not the ones you want to confuse with your release, right?)

I've read news releases with the medical vocabulary of a med school lecture or with so much technical terminology that it sounded like the dialogue of a Star Trek episode. That doesn't communicate with the average reader. Don't attempt to dazzle editors with your industry knowledge, just tell your story.

Extreme (fictitious) example: “123 Software Company, an InformationBuilders company and market leader in middleware that accelerates e-business initiatives through the rapid integration of complex back-office systems, and 123 Global Technologies, a middleware company, today announced an OEM agreement to develop and market a joint e-business integration solution for complex enterprise environments.” (My response = "Huh?")

Employ the Accepted Writing Style. This is not a biography and definitely not an autobiography. Don’t use "I" or "we" unless it's in a quote. Slang is not a good idea either. And most journalists want the Associated Press style of writing (AP Stylebook), which has specific rules about numbers, abbreviations, grammar, punctuation, etc.

Say it simply. Again, it's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to impress those who read your release, so you pull out those "five-dollar words." (e.g., We don't sweat a lot, we have hyperhidrosis. It’s not male pattern baldness, it’s androgenic alopecia versus. We don’t turn on our laptop, we power up the device. The pastor doesn't explain the Bible verse, he exegetes the original text.)

And sometimes, we get a bit wordy: “at the present time” is used instead of now; “at a later date” rather than just later. The simple word about becomes “with reference to.” “Please do not hesitate to call” could be reduced to please call and the four words “in the event that” could become the tiny word if. This is where restraint (or tough editing) is crucial.

Here's an answer to the very simple question "Where's the product I ordered?

“We are currently in the process of consolidating our product range to ensure that the products we stock are indicative of our brand aspirations. As part of our range consolidation we have also decided to revisit our supplier list and employ a more intelligent system for stock acquisition. As a result of the above, certain product lines are now unavailable through our website, whilst potentially remaining available from more mainstream suppliers.”

In other words: we don’t have that item in stock!

Skip the over-used phrases. I cannot tell you how many releases I’ve read where the quote (usually in the second paragraph, typically from the CEO/President) tells me how “excited” they are about whatever it is they are announcing. Obviously, if you weren’t excited about it, you wouldn’t be promoting, but that doesn’t mean you have to include the cliché phrase. The same would be true about other popular business-speak clichés. (e.g., cutting edge, best practices, bottom line, dominate the industry, win-win, game-changer, raise the bar, or doing anything “outside of the box.”)

If you’d like a more complete of business clichés, check out this site I found: The Encyclopedia of Business Clichés. Use it as a TO DON’T list for checking your release.


HELPFUL HINT: To avoid lingo, jargon, clichés and over-inflated terminology (i.e., big words), consider having someone outside your industry read the release to see if they understand it. If you aren’t familiar with AP Style, you will definitely want to have someone read it before you send it out. (You might also think about hiring someone outside your industry write the release for you. Like say…oh, I dunno…a PR Consultant.)


We will continue this topic in our next entry. I welcome your thoughts, insights, comments or questions. I would especially like to see hear some of your experiences.

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